Fallout Girls

PERSONALITIES:

ROAD DOGS: THE ASSHOLES

SUCKING THE JOY RIGHT OUT OF YOUR JOB

If You Can Tolerate These Guys, You Can Tolerate Anything!

If you draw the short straw and have to work for the Asshole Old Dog (AOD) as opposed to the supportive, Mentor Old Dog, let me tell you what you're in for:

The AODs are virtual luddites, they certainly don’t keep their computer skills updated and God help everyone when a new system is introduced.  As tough as nails as they pretend to be, a new system usually results in a hissy fit. Their Excel skills were probably last updated around Windows 95. They've been using the same templates since Y2K and just keep ‘saving as,’ until eventually the document has been overwritten so many times it’s too big to even email and the content totally corrupted. That’s your fault by the way.
 

The AOD loves to regale you with their ‘exciting and interesting’ life stories.  These stories take forever and they’re told with such rabid enthusiasm you’d think they were telling them for the first time, even though you’ve heard them all a thousand times.  But you are a captive audience, literally, you have to listen and pretend you are amazed. Extra brownie points if you let your chin fall to your chest in an expression of awe.

 

The AODs do fall for flattery, as long as it has a semblance of genuineness.  If it’s obvious to everyone that you’re sucking up, you will earn their ire.  They don’t want to look like they’re falling for bullshit, so you have to make it look real enough that anyone overhearing will think you’re sincere.  If you put a value on dignity, you should probably do your sucking up when there’s nobody else around.
 

The AODs don’t listen.  They know everything, at least they think they do.  And if you try telling them about a potential problem, and they dismiss it but the problem actually happens, well again, it’s your fault, you should have told them.

 

The AODs know what you’re going to say so they often start responding before you’ve even finished your sentence.  If you try to tell them that’s not what you were trying to say, you’ll be shooed off because they’re just so damn busy. Never, ever try to tell an AOD they’re wrong about anything!
 

The AODs loathe change.  Any kind of change; “If we have to start using P.O.’s I’ll just quit, I’m never going to use a P.O.” Actually said. Oh and physical change is worse, if there’s an office re-shuffle to accommodate growing personnel or a new acquisition, there will be whining. If you’re neck deep in work and need the AOD to sign-off on something as deadlines loom, trying to approach an AOD faced with having to move his/her office is scary. He/she will likely be in distress and you might hear; ‘you don’t understand, I HAVE ART!!” Again, actually said. This is the business of moving mountains and overcoming all obstacles, but taking a picture off a wall and putting it on another one presents some weird challenge for the AOD.

 

The AOD prays to the gods of 'status,' he/she has to have expensive accessories and the newest gadgets, preferably with a hip logo on them, and they almost always must be gifted to them, well, there’s a cost – and they know it, but…..well....status.
 

The AOD must go to the most expensive restaurants and drink the finest spirits, but if you order in food on the company’s dime for whatever reason, you’d better order from KFC.

 

When in the presence of people the AOD wants to impress you should be seen, but not heard. You're to offer no solutions to any problems, make no suggestions or do anything brilliant, there will be consequences if you steal the AOD's thunder, the AOD is the only one who’s allowed to shine.
 

AODs support each other's pathos, they share their 'war stories' about how they had to save the day because everybody else was incompetent. They lament the lack of common sense and work ethic and agree with each other vehemently, like grumpy old men talking about ‘kids today.'

 

The AOD cannot let go of a grudge.  If he’s pissed at you for some reason, he’s going to nurse that grudge, he’s going to make you pay for it for a while.
 

The AOD will tell you over and over that you can go places if you stay on his good side. 

 

Some AODs set you up to fail.  Nothing you can do but go with the flow and trust everyone sees right through him.  
   
 

As you can tell I'm no fan of the AOD. They represent every bad day I ever had in my long and storied career. He/she is probably not aware of the fact that I hold him in such disdain, but I don't much care about burning those particular bridges anymore.


I don't know what else to tell you. Working with the AOD will test your resolve, some of you will survive, others will not. I wish you the best of luck.

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